Hater By Nature

Im not even sure if I hate yuppies.  Really, its almost too easy, and they’re always good for a laugh.  While walking down the street yesterday, two soccer moms approached my girlfriend and I and asked us a question which I had to have them repeat because I could not believe that I had heard it correctly.  “Do you know where a Mexican wrap restaurant is?”  Like I said, my brain could not immediately process the information having stalled in disbelief and resulting in a true missed opportunity.  As I stared blankly my girlfriend tried to explain that their are several Mexican restaurants in the neighborhood.  I mean, it is San Francisco after all.  But the fact that this woman, in her goofy running gear, socks over tights and all, was looking for Mexican wraps was just amazing to me.  If I had only had the time to drink a few more sips of my black coffee I could have really shown off my talents as the condescending asshole I am with probably my favorite method of put down, the insult of intelligence.  I can only kick myself for not blankly and as dry toned as possible asking her, “You mean burritos?”.  Another lost opportunity indeed.  I guess Ill just have to make up for it today at work.  So sad.

Alright, here we go.  The holiday season brings out the worst in people, well, at least the retardation in people.  And, as the lack of brains and willingness to participate in moronic human patterns without hesitation increases, their subtle habits come more to light.  One such classis move is what I like to call the “Open Door Policy”.  What Im talking about here is the situation where, when confronted with a double door entry where one is open and the other closed, regardless of how much of a crowd has congregated to squeeze through the entry, an extremely small portion of the population will take it upon themselves to open the other floodgate.  How fucking frustrating is this?  Do you know how many times I have opened a door for my girlfriend, in my classic southernly gentleman way, only to have a small chinese woman rush through pushing us both out of the way?  Ive been forced to slam 50 lb doors on people looking at me like “sorry, I dont know what else to do”.  I urge everyone to think about this post the next time your at a mall or grocery store for the holidays, and take it upon yourselves to go that extra distance, and slam the door on as many morons as possible.  Now thats what I call the holiday spirit.